Purpose

Purpose

I’ve been reading more and more on anxiety as increasingly this is the main concern for most clients walking through the door at the moment.

I blogged last week about the need for self-care at this time of year (and arguably all year round!) but also about how December becomes a natural period of reflection and summary for us generally.

It seems appropriate then to consider purpose alongside our reflections about where we have been and what we have done this year and further back. Looking back can cause anxiety about going forward. When we contemplate our life journey to date there are inevitably things that we believe we could have done better, been better people and tried that bit harder to make dreams a reality. We’ve all made errors in judgement and trusted in those who turned out to not warrant trusting, in parallel with ups and downs and this can give our self- worth a metaphorical battering if we get caught up in the negatives that we perceive and naturally hone in on. It can give rise to increased anxiety over our future.

Passing on a ‘dream’ job because of fear of failure or not speaking out when you felt aggrieved, caving in on things you really did not want to do or you may have found yourself at the whim of business need versus your own morals- events such as these can lead to a misshapen sense of self and identity.

‘I’ll never be able to do it, it wasn’t meant to be, I can’t trust them so I can’t trust anybody, I can’t do interviews, I’m terrible at them so I won’t get the job I want.’

These, or similar negative mantras are limiting beliefs- by repeating these we are forcing a self-fulfilling prophecy, perpetuating unhappiness and encouraging a negative bias on how we view our lives.

Happiness crops up all the time in sessions; the chasing of it and the obtaining of it and then the keeping hold of it. Having a purpose or being able to identify your own purpose in life will lead you some way to finding joy along the way.  Many people do not consider what makes them tick, smile, or gets them enthusiastic and this distance from ourselves can make decision making difficult because who we actually are and who we want to be are mysteries. We can start to rely on others to make these decisions for us, then we blame them when things go wrong. Without taking responsibility, then it wasn’t our fault… or so we would have ourselves believe.

The most influential piece I’ve recently read was the PROM model- which focuses on Purpose, Responsibility, Optimism and Mastery. I just want to highlight Purpose today because it seems a good place to begin in analysing where we fit in within our lives:

• What makes you smile?
• What really gives you a sense of achievement when you complete it or engage in it?
• Are you aware of your innate gifts- what talents separate you out from your friends and family?
• What gift do you give to the world by being you?
• What talents do you have that make a difference to other people?
• Can you capitalise on these gifts in some way that benefits both the world and yourself?

As you can see- these aren’t everyday questions that we sit down and answer without some thought attached. They take time to process and answer because they are personal and do not involve anyone’s perspective except our own. If we don’t bother to ask and answer these kinds of questions though, we’ll continue to be ignorant of our purpose, and therefore ourselves. We become/ remain restless and ambivalent; happiness moves further away as a result.

The answers to the questions will likely be thought provoking and highlight how close or far away from your purpose you actually are. Note your thoughts and feelings at the end of the questioning. If you’re far off from your purpose what does that bring up for you? If you are close to reaching your purpose, again how does that make you feel about your current life path?

Making thoughts and feelings more tangible in written form can give them greater meaning. Often thoughts are wrapped up in other thoughts and it can be difficult to focus on one at a time. Purposeful exercises such as this one, where you have a focus, can align the mind and allow better reflection. Challenge yourself to discover your purpose and consider how you can reach your goal; often having time for yourself to think about only you can be its own reward, but also the starting point of being able to action your ambitions and address your fears.