Changing Gloom to Bloom
Do you find yourself sometimes stuck in a particular pattern of thinking then find that overall, your mood isn’t where you’d like it to be?
Gloom sets in and everything else also seems gloomy, therefore it can be hard to see the way forward.
As a counsellor, I help people see from a different perspective and help them understand how unhelpful their thinking patterns can be.
If you’ve been stuck in a negative mind-set for some time then things can feel hopeless. I’m going to explore some ways to help you break this cycle and help you get moving again by asking you a few questions:
- Look at whose expectations you are working towards:
b) Someone else’s
- How many times have you said: ‘I should be doing …, or I should be like this person?
- Consider how helpful it is to compare yourself to someone else; are you making a fair, like- for- like comparison?
- Examine how realistic your goals are and the timeframe you have set for them.
- If you haven’t set any goals but want change, then think about if you are expecting the world to change without you being involved?
- Look at what is stopping you and consider if any of those things are simply excuses rather than genuine obstacles that you can’t influence or change.
- If a friend was asking for advice on your problem- what would you say to them?
- What do you do with your negative thoughts:
a) Do you find more evidence for them to stop you taking action?
b) Do you run away with them making a bigger problem?
c) Do you write them down and consider them?
d) Do you push them away and store them up?
In asking these questions you’ll be able to see if your expectations of yourself are appropriate and if they genuinely belong to you. If they don’t, then consider what motivation you have to meet standards that are someone else’s and how that actually benefits you.
You’ll also be able to see if you are stopping you or if your circumstances are stopping you- if it’s the latter then this conversation with yourself can help generate solutions instead of adding in further problems.
You’ll also be able to see from a different perspective- if you would offer constructive and compassionate advice to another person with the same problem, then think about why you can’t do that with yourself. By taking an objective stance or looking at the bigger picture then you can make the problem(s) feel less overwhelming and more factual.
The more you ask yourself probing questions then you’ll find you overreact less, feel less emotional and more in control of your own life. Be curious and examine how you function and think. You don’t have to think in negative ways simply because that’s how it’s always been:
Dare to change bad habits and see where your potential can take you, and take gloom to bloom!